20. Later…

I was homeless in the winter of 1986/87. Operation Nightwatch was my assurance that I did not have to sleep in the doorways. For weeks I showed up at Operation Nightwatch to be referred to the Union Gospel Mission, Salvation Army, Morrison Hotel, or the lobby of City Hall for a mattress and a blanket. They were cold, rainy nights. Sometimes I waited two or three hours in the weather for a referral. Then, on December 3rd, I was referred to St. Martin de Porres Shelter. Shortly after midnight I arrived at what we called "The Hilton." They offered me coffee and a sandwich and I felt very lucky. I took a hot shower. I was given recognition and respect which were absent in my life. I felt like a real person. I slept on mattress #168 for four months. I finally had my own place. The days were cold, dreary, and desolate but I had mattress #168 every night. I responded to the caring staff at St. Martin's. My low self image began to rise. God heard me and spoke to me through the staff. He gave me His grace. I returned to the Church and the Sacraments for the first time in over 25 years. I am feeling what God's grace is. I would like to share what being homeless was to me. Many of the men at the shelter were in their 60's and 70's. Some of them, like myself, were in the final stages of alcoholism. They came in all stages of infirmity; one with one leg, one with one arm, another with one eye. Only a few were a picture of health. They coughed a wheezed all night and, since the mattresses were only six inches apart, I felt I should soon cough all night, too. We had an outbreak of tuberculosis. Everyone had X-rays and the infected men were treated. To me, being homeless was more than not having a home. I was considered the bottom of society. Society had no need for me, no. plans for me, no place for me. They would just as soon forget me. I didn't exist.- I was a loner among the homeless. The lack of food was debilitating - I spent my whole day thinking of food. The most difficult part to accept was spiritual. I felt a sense of abandonment from the community. In a throwaway society I was the human throw away. I was the dregs of society and was becoming too old to defend myself. Sometimes I felt the State should have a Voluntary Killing Station where those of us who could not take it anymore could find a quick end. These despairing thoughts filled me during the darkest of times. It will take a while to recover. The Gospels tell of God becoming man. He preached hope and love. He comforted and cured the afflicted. He mingled with the prostitutes and tax collectors. We are all homeless until we let God's love into our hearts - until we let His Power be manifest through our willingness to love our neighbor. Last winter I was hungry and you fed me. I was cold and you clothed me. I was homeless and you gave me shelter. These words of the Gospel came true for me. You can make them come true for others. Love God. Love yourselves. Love your neighbor. You can make a difference.